jeudi 26 juin 2008

Vos capotes, en comprimés ou en suppositoires ?

C’est bien connu, les femmes simulent l’orgasme et ce faisant stimule l’orgasme chez l’homme : « aaah enfin, je vais pouvoir me lâcher ». Pourquoi tant de manœuvres et de simagrées inutiles, Mesdames ? Vous avez rarement le top orgasme, nous aussi, alors autant ne pas s’en faire, laissez-nous jouir de suite ! On s’en fout de passer pour des couillons, nous, ce qu’on veut, c’est se retourner et dormir !
Un petit mot d’explication : pour un homme, éjaculer, ça peut prendre 30 secondes (voire moins). Ce sera à peine moins bon qu’après une heure de bourre sauvage. On notera qu’éjaculer et jouir ce n’est pas forcément simultané. Vous pouvez éjaculer avec votre femme le samedi soir et jouir avec votre main lundi midi ! Et si on se retient, c’est juste pour vous faire plaisir. C’est comme offrir des fleurs, c’est pas par amour, c’est pour tirer un coup et avoir la paix. A 25 € le bouquet, c’est moins cher qu’une passe et une heure de massage californien.
En plus, se retenir, c’est tout une histoire (et les gars qui me disent que c’est naturel se foutent un peu de ma gueule), c’est un apprentissage, une école de bravoure, un chemin de croix parfois. Là où les filles se laissent aller au max (et que si je veux je peux avoir plein d’orgasmes), les mecs se tortillent dans tous les sens. Ce dont ils ont le plus envie eh ben ils peuvent pas le faire, il faut qu’ils attendent Madame. T’es sur la ligne de but, mais il faut attendre que ta femme te dise « ok, tu peux shooter ». Parfois c’est long, ça dure, tu finis par t’emmerder un peu, tu débandes même parfois et puis tu vois qu’elle commence à y aller. Vite tu te reconditionnes, tu remplaces dans tes pensées tes problèmes de boulot par la nouvelle petite hôtesse d’accueil et WAAAA tu envoie les 10cc au fond du gouffre. Et là, quoi, t’apprends que ta femme simule. Merde, pourquoi tant d’histoire alors. Laissez-nous jouir de suite et basta !

Ah ce qu’elles m’énervent ces femmes qui veulent nous faire croire qu’on est des amants extraordinaires et que jouir à l’unisson c’est génial. Achète-toi un vibro pour la Saint Valentin, Connasse, je t’offrirai des piles !

72 commentaires:

Mister Tweedy a dit…

La question est « Simules-tu quand tu te masturbes ? » Un truc du genre « Oulà, tu (je) bandes bien mon salop. Mmmmm, que c'est bon ! Tu (Je) en veux encore mon gros ? »

Alors ?

sim a dit…

moi je préfère la qualité à la quantité, c'est à dire rapide mais excellent, plutôt que long et que tu t'emmerdes, et puis quand t'as pas eu le temps d'arriver au bout (à l'orgasme) ça te donne l'envie de recommencer !

La Brune a dit…

C'est fou ça... ça donne même pas envie :)

Christiana a dit…

Mais nous n'avons pas besoin de vibro,nous avons déjà un amant avec lequel nous n'avons pas besoin de simuler! Faut pas te croire obligé, ça nous emmerde de simuler quand on s'est déjà envoyée en l'air toute la journée.

Christiana a dit…

Tu devrais arrêter les thymorégulateurs et anxiolytiques...Très mauvais pour ta libido!

(C'est bizarre, contrairement aux maris, les amants n'en prennent jamais...)

Monsieur Poireau a dit…

Ah la synchronisation, quel bonheur quand ça arrive !
:-)


["le derrière, on y revient bien voir de temps en temps. Histoire de vérifier s'il se passe encore quelque chose. Si qu'on en n'a pas fait le tour" écrivait Céline, si ma mémoire est bonne !].

Cynique-ta-mere a dit…

T'as qu'à faire semblant aussi puisque de toute façon, elles ne sentent rien !

[sinon, elles ne simuleraient pas].

Giraf a dit…

Bof, avec la main c'est pas pareil...

Vertazt a dit…

Putain, qu'est ce qu'on se doit s'emmerder au lit avec toi pour avoir un avis pareil, dommage, il y a des bons moments a passé, pour la simulation, faut croire qu'y a ceux qui sont doués pour faire monter la pression et ceux qui sont encore en train se demander comment on fais, si tu passais plus de temps à explorer l'autre à travers les sens et à connâitre ton corps et celui de ta partenaire tu perdrais moins de ton temps avec ce genre de reflexions à la con!
Lache toi et peut-être que ta partenaire aura envie aussi de se lacher!
Mais bon avec une démonstration pareil de machisme attardé tu risque de ne pas évoluer, désolée je suis un peu abrupte, mais "achète un vibro connasse", c'est un peu de trop, non? mais tu joues sans doute un rôle du méchant cynique qui veux qu'on le frappe à coupde batons, ne serais-tu pas un peu sado-maso finalement?

=:-| a dit…

Tout pile !
J'aime me faire humilier par une fille un peu bête !

Mister Tweedy a dit…

Et une lectrice de moins. Une ! :-/

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Je ne vise pas la popularité, mon blog n'est pas encore sponsorisé !

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Perso je ne voulais pas t'humilier, juste être franche comme tu peux l'être également à ta façon et tu peux m'insulter de beaucoup de choses mais la bètise franchement je suis véxée pour le coup:-))))
Non, en fait, je m'en fiche un peu de ton "je déteste tout le monde" qui m'amuse beaucoup en fait et d'ailleurs je te lis cela prouve que je m'intéresse à ton blog, positive ou négative, les gens qui font l'effort de vous lire ne sont pas indifférent.
Allez sans rancune et puis les barges, c'est toujours plus amusant à lire que les autres.
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